Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
