Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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