Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
