omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
