I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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