waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
