UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
