I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
