I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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