I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
