Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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