I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
