Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
