I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
