Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
