I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
