jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Screwed.edu
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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