When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
