I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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