Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
