Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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