my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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