i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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