yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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