He uses pillows to masturbate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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