You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck appropriateness.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drake has all the answers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
