My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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