Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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