Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
