I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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