dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
