Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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