Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
