if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
