i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
