Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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