No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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