The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
