Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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