I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
