last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
