i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
