And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
