i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
