wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
