thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's never too late to be topless.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
