Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
