I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
