ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
