Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
