my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
