Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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