She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
