I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
