Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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