so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
