why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
