I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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