just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
