My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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