At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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